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[28 Jul 2007|03:34am] |
I’m really really ok. I feel strange, but it’s just the strange feeling of being on your own all day. My mom and I did go and have a good dinner at Quik Wok, though, and that was fun. But for some reason I didn’t eat very much, I got full very quickly, and I actually haven’t eaten anything else since. I’m hungry.
If I start thinking too much about anything, though, I sort of get a strange feeling. As if my eyes are about to cry and as if I’m aware of all of my skin. Eamon’s coming home on Monday, but he told me he doesn’t know what time on Monday, and he seemed annoyed that I asked. But then again, I’m always quick to add thoughts and assumptions to things that Eamon says and does, even when I know it’s crazy.
I should stop thinking so much. At least about some parts of my life.
Something that I have been thinking about is how much glamour is a bit overrated. I mean, I’m as much a fan of glamour as anyone, and I have plenty of fantasies involving it, involving me and walks down red carpets, and interviews asking me about myself (instead of me writing thousands and thousands of pages about it, when so few people are interested, and just skim). I happen to think I’m a very interesting person, thank you very much.
I can’t find my contact lens case, and I think I’m going to give up the search tonight. I’m too tired and lazy. I’ve been sleeping less and less, and staying awake for longer and longer. I think it’s because I’m not actually doing much with myself, maybe not even thinking much. I even slept more when I was playing Unreal Tournament.
I’m wondering if, on the nights that I can’t sleep until late because of a schedule thing, and I just plain can’t sleep, if another body sleeping beside me would help. I can always fall asleep very easily in Eamon’s arms, but I’m wondering if he would be sufficient to cure insomnia. I’m watching Lost in Translation, and late at night when she can’t sleep (the main character, I mean, I can’t remember her name), her husband’s body is just a nuisance to her. Then again, her husband in general is so annoying and doesn’t really seem responsive to her needs.
If the text in my window isn’t justified, it eventually bothers me, even though it doesn’t bother me when I see it on web pages online. All the same, though, I think if people online can justify their text, they should do it. It just makes stuff easier to read. Although I don’t know how to do it. And that’s sort of pointless anyway.
There’s this funny part in Lost in which a strange prostitute enters Bill Harris’ room and asks for and refuses to be touched, eventually knocking some stuff down. The scene then cuts to just Bill eating breakfast, leaving me wondering, always, what the hell happened and how he eventually got her out of his room. Maybe they slept together, maybe we’re supposed to assume that they slept together.
The other day (I may have mentioned this already) Lorae was really surprised when I told her again and again that I wasn’t hungry, until she eventually conceded not to buy me anything. Yes, she had even offered to buy. Except for this blog and confiding in Myndi, and sometimes Dixy, and awhile ago Tony, about my mom’s and my money problems, I don’t like anybody else to know. In the slightest. At all. Once I was really embarrassed when I had to have copies of my mom’s check stubs for something I was applying for, or something, and I had to ask the librarian at the middle school to make the copies for me.
Needless to say, she probably read them, and when she came back, she had this strange look on her face and refused the money that I was going to give her for the copies saying, “Oh, no, that counts as important business.”
It doesn’t bother me when we have money problems for my own sake, because I know that my hunger turns me into a beast and that I will, eventually, eat my books, and anyway my mother has never in the entire history of time not fed me when I wanted food. We have a few credit cards with long limits that we don’t actually have any balance on, and also we have food stamps. Although they keep reducing them every month, the bastards.
The only reason that I do get anxious when we’re short on money is because I know that my mom gets worried, and then she starts feeling bad, and.. Well, I want to put a stop to that. If I’m able to, tomorrow I’ll go to Tropical Sno and fill out an application. I hope nobody went yesterday, or anything, because I know that a lot of the time, if you wait even a day somebody will gobble up that minimum wage job that you had your eye on.
Gosh! My entry is so depressing and morose, but really I’m feeling pretty good. Except the more I think about it, the hungrier I get. Damn! It’s too late to fix myself something to eat and I’m too lazy anyway. Although there’s lots of fruit in the kichen. Am I too lazy to go get myself some fruit? Yes, yes I am. And anyway people say that you shouldn’t fruit before bedtime, because it’s one of those things that acts as a… what are they called? Barbiturate? That helps you when you’re constipated and so when you eat it before you go to bed it screws with your digestive system. Although now I’m wondering whether or not I’m just crazy, because it suddenly occurs to me that Barbiturates are actually things like Valium and such.
I have GOT to stop writing these things second before I go to bed.
Oh yeah, Gio blah blah, I’ll miss him, whatever.
[His sister told me he was really hurt when I deleted him from my friends. WWJD?]
It honestly doesn’t affect me much. He didn’t have a car, we couldn’t hang out, blah blah. And oh yeah he was being a douche bag. As in, a bag of douche. As in, a bag with dirty vagina juice.
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[28 Jun 2007|02:52am] |
I like the look of blood, as it pools. I like it especially when it pools somewhere on skin. The best place for blood to pool, of course, is the belly. So the most pleasant thing to watch is 'Roswell,' because in the first few episodes, there's always the 'Previously on Roswell...' section, and they show the blood pooling. It might be part of my weird obsession with Roswell, apart from the extremely edible alien.
'I'll have an alien blast...'
'Me too...'
'Excuse me?'
Whenever I'm watching a tv show not actually on TV, and the beginning credits come on, I feel a slight sadness, because usually on TV after the opening credits they go right to commercial. But it's nice when it just continues to the show....
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[28 Jun 2007|02:05am] |
#367808 +(4371)- [X]
*** Zeron is now known as you
* you farted.
* you sigh in frustration.
* you lose
* you suck at life
*** Wildfyre is now known as our
* Goblin_Leecher thinks you need a life
* our conversation is entirely too weird
*** Goblin_Leecher is now known as we
* we are going stir crazy
* you are going a little too far
* our laughter fills the offices nearby.
* you are fired.
* we need new jobs
* you agree
* you wonder when this madness will end
* we are not sane
* you are correct
* our sanity has left?
you know...if a sane person were to walk in here...they'd be very very confused right about now...
* you are one with the matrix.
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| Highlights. |
[28 Jun 2007|12:56am] |
once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.
Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."
whats the complement to a 43 degree angle?
My you're looking "acute" today
fuck you
some girl on the street asked if i was saved yet
i told her i saved at the checkpoint a couple minutes back
and can reload from there if i die
she was confused
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure...
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant
So we were supposed to have a guest speaker in one of my classes
to talk about diversity and racism and shit today
prof's never met him..
in walks this super black gangsta ghetto dude
he's got a 'pimp' chain around his neck, wearing FUBU everything
has a gold watch and a ring on each finger, smells like pot and beer
he even had a do-rag on and a cigarrette tucked behind his ear
walks in in true rapper style flashing his crazy ghetto signs at us
the prof's like...'are you... jeff?'
he goes 'true dat, ho' and says 'you all my niggaz!' and he turns in a circle
waving his arms in the air singing about 'niggaz in 'da house' or some shit
so she tells him to give his speech on diversity and shit
and he starts talkin about 'the man' and how 'white folk be dissin'
then like a minute later this other black dude runs in dressed in a suit
and says 'sorry I'm late'
it turns out the first black dude was just baked. he doesn't even go to college
he just wanted to buy weed in the dorms
I think the people above me are having sex
either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.
who wants to go shower up and jerk each other off...its heterosexual if we all think about women
Tunkey u sick sicko sick of sickness.......I love it, when can we?
it's funny, when I tell someone I'm an insomniac they almost always say "that's odd, I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow" which is odd becuase I don't go around telling blind people "that's odd because I can see perfectly"
Is she still internet dating him?
They were in the middle of a "harsh break up" last I remember.
Text was flying so fast.
Emoticons ran wild.
so my materials lecturer at uni is like
"this year we will be focusing on failure"
"for those who are repeating the subject, this will be new to you"
This linguistics professor was lecturing the class.
"In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."
"However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
Immediately, a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah..... right...."
#75154 +(6074)- [X]
you know what's ALWAYS bothered me? cold cereal mascots
I mean that is just some FUCKED UP SHIT
the Trix rabbit, for example
I dunno man... if I were him I'd be fucking KILLING some kids
I remember a commercial where the fuckin rabbit WENT INTO A FUCKIN STORE AND BOUGHT A BOX OF TRIX WITH HIS OWN FUCKIN MONEY.
fuckin kids came outta NOWHERE and basically fuckin mug the poor stupid bitch rabbit
"silly rabbit Trix are for kids"
Fuckin rabbit just sits there and looks depressed.
FUCK NO that wouldn't fly with me
I'd have pimp-slapped EVERY ONE OF those fuckin bitches
and made them go get me the REST of a "complete breakfast" and eat Trix right in front of them bitches and THEN beat the shit out of them some more.
and wtf is with the disguises? All the dumb rabbit does is hide his ears and all of a sudden he's a fuckin kid?
I dunno about you, but if I SAW a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap, I wouldn't immediately think
"Hey, there's a cool lookin human kid, let me go over and share some of my cereal with him"
NO.
I'd be thinking
"that's a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap... what the FUCK was I just smoking?"
another thing... wtf is up with cereal being "A part of this complete breakfast"
last time -I- checked, cereal WAS breakfast
they show a big ass bowl of frosted flakes next to a waffle, a pancake, toast, a banana, a fuckin grapefruit... who the FUCK eats a breakfast that big
not me
I don't even EAT breakfast nomore
I mean, I eat when I get up
but the whole thought "BREAKFAST IS ONLY SERVED UNTIL SUCH AND SUCH TIME"
bitch, you make my fucking sausage and egg sandwich when I pay you the fucking money
don't give me that shit.
Back to stupid cereal mascots...
Lucky Charms.
FUCKING LUCKY CHARMS
Lucky can turn the fucking MOON into a marshmallow, and he can't escape a bunch of fucking 6 year olds?!?!?
C'mon now, Lucky.
I KNOW your bitch ass has got to have a "Blow the fucking kids up" spell SOMEWHERE
or make "kid marshamllows" and EAT those bitches.
"They're after me Lucky Charms!"
....
KILL THEM, BITCH!
I dunno why I went off on this rant here
it's just always bothered me."
I wish my lawn was emo, so it would cut itself.
* Porter is now known as PorterWITHGIRLFRIENDWHOISHOT
he shot his girlfriend?
#301963 +(5218)- [X]
so, at this college there was an extra credit question "Is hell endothermic or exothermic"
this is what one kid wrote:
First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass.
If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.
So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose (i.e.,Hell is exothermic).
Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over (i.e.,Hell is endothermic).
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given by Ms.Therese Banyan during my freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in hell before I go out with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having a relationship with her, the second case cannot be true. Therefore, hell is exothermic.
the kid was the only one who got credit
I think just about anyone who meets me and talks to me for long enough comes to terms with the fact that I am a very sick, twisted person. Also factor in a few mountain dews, a Peer-to-Peer connection, and boredom and you get what might be the funniest combination imaginable.
I had been downloading music yesterday evening. Led Zeppelin, REO Speedwagon, Flock of Seagulls, things like that. Then I realized that it'd be a funny joke to play on people if I were to change "Keep on Rolling" to "Hot Lesbian Sex". I watched as within minutes this file got 50 downloads. I was astounded.
Then the Tom got an idea.
An awful idea.
The Tom got a wonderful awful idea.
What if, perhaps, I was to change some of these names to sick pornography titles? I wonder if I'd get any bites?
And this is where the fun begins.
The first title I put up was "Naked boys dancing and eating cake." I sat in anticipation, waiting for my first download. Success, the first download came. Then the second. Then the third. This baby was steamrolling down the information super highway like a trucker with a hardon that has 2 miles left to the next truck stop. Before I knew it, I was getting twenty downloads. Then thirty. Then fifty. Can you imagine that in the end, rather than getting dancing boys naked and indulging themselves with sweets and frolicking in a dewy meadow, one-hundred thirty two people got a disappointing video of Led Zeppelin performing "Dazed and Confused" in front of a live audience? At this point, I had no choice but to continue.
The second title I put up was "My Ex-Girlfriend mowing the lawn naked." I thought that this was too far out to get any downloads. Alas, I was wrong. It got a download. Then two. Then thirty. In the end, seventy-eight sweaty, drooling fudges wanted to see my ex girlfriend mow the lawn stark naked. She's not even that hot. Rather then get their lawn-mowing beauty, they got the song "Ozone baby."
For the third title, I decided to transform "White Wedding" into the more intriguing "Elephant cock horse." I wish I could say I was kidding when this thing was downloaded one hundred eighty seven times. I guess there is something about horses and elephants showing their cocks that bring out the best in people. I nearly died of laughter at this point. "How can nearly two hundred people want to see naked animals? They're ALWAYS naked!" For sanctity's sake, we're going to leave this as a mystery. I hope I turned some people on to Billy Idol, hopefully distracting them long enough to forget that masturbating to horse and elephant genitalia are not really something their mothers would be proud of.
I couldn't stop myself from doing another. "Grandma Bingo Sex." Short and sweet. I couldn't stop myself from amusing.........myself..... "Grandma Bingo Sex." Surely not a common scenario, and surely not a scenario that would arouse many a twisted psyche. Apparently I know nothing about the human psyche. One hundred twenty two. ONE HUNDRED TWENTY TWO PEOPLE would like to see grandma getting bent over the bingo table, game card in hand, getting donkey punched by a 90 year old addle brained porn star. I rubbed my eyes just to double check. My eyes had to be lying to my brain. My penis had shriveled to the size of a 2 day old Wendys chicken nugget.
They asked for Grandma.
They got Joan Jett.
At this point I had to start taking puffs of my albuteral inhaler to keep from suffocating myself with laughter. "Girl on girl toe insertion (LEGAL)" was my next proud creation. Everyone likes 38 Special, so everyone won't feel like such dumb-asses after downloading this footy piece of crap. Never underestimate the inertia traveling behind a toe inserting itself into a rectum, friends. It's like a fudging semi hurling down Interstate 40 in the noonday sun. One hundred twelve people wanted to jerk to this. God have mercy on us.
At this point, for some odd reason, the user name "Enraged Baboon" popped into my head. "Enraged Baboon fudging a nipple factory." No way in hell would this get many downloads. Who could possibly type in any or all of those keywords? I guess people like seeing sweaty red-ass baboons, nostrils flaring, banging their chests like Marky Mark in the movie "Fear", having sex WITH each other in a factory that produces baby-bottle nipples. Imagine what those children would look like. One hundred seventy two people typed those magic words into Limewire, and got a hot steaming pile of monkey love. Well, it was Pink Floyd, but a man can dream, cant he?
This could all seem very disturbing. My final experiment, however, made me dizzy as my precious sack retreated into my pelvis. ...THREE PEOPLE...three disgusting, drooling, perverted, fudged up people, wielding a box of Puffs Plus and a tube of Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion, bright eyed and bushy tailed, wanted to see "An emu taking a vicious dump." How does one take a VICIOUS dump and how does an EMU take one, for that matter?
Ladies and gentlemen: this is why I have lost every last ounce of faith in humanity.
If I may quote Method:
"You're going to make a lot of sick people very unhappy."
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| Can we begin? |
[24 Jun 2007|01:53am] |
I used to love the summer because I would talk to a lot of people late at night. Instant messaging didn't kill this, because instant messaging was usually the beginning to any of these late-night conversations. Aaron and I would talk for hours, back when I was afraid of my own shadow and would have horrible nightmares and was very, very afraid to go to sleep. This was back when he had faith and he would make it all go away.
Aaron made the bad stuff go away. Then there was Zob, then I think Angel, and of course quite a few more. Whenever Eamon and I would have a fight, there was sometimes Nathan, but Nathan has the habit of making me feel worse about myself and more unhappy in strange ways. At the same time he sometimes keeps me sane. From so many of my 'friends,' I learn from ill example. ^_^ He's insane, so it makes me saner by comparison. Other people... well, it makes me different by comparison. As long as I change for the good, right?
...but am I changing for the good/ I feel stagnant. I feel like...
...I can't place my finger on it. There is a certain happiness that I can see and can recognize, but there are so many other things that I have to take care of before I can attain it forever.\\\\\\
And learning does not only lie in suffering, it lies in every part of living.
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[20 Jun 2007|11:03pm] |
I absolutely love this episode of Friends. The one that was tonight, I mean.
I'll write tomorrow, I promise.
I just don't feel in the mood right now.
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[13 Jun 2007|10:27pm] |
I always say: I would be a better writer if only I could...
...get something better to write into. A brand-new computer, different kind of paper with a different kind of pen. And then I do, and I start doing something else. I don't know what I start doing, but I think large parts of it revolve around watching TV.
Today I woke up, and it was late. I hate waking up late, it makes me feel almost like a non-person. There are people, out there, having nice lives, and living them, and I'm not one of them, because I stayed up all night having an almost-life, and therefore could not wake up in time for my real life.
Although it was late when I woke up, I was still happy. I'm in a good place right now. There is some stuff coming up that I am afraid of, but I've always been the type of person to face my fears, again and again. But I do feel like I've lost... something. Maybe it's some sort of drive.
Maybe it's just been a bit of a long day, and I miss my Eamon. I was online for a bit, and talking to Myndi about all of the things that she was going to do today, and of course random stuff. All of the things she was going to do today did not depress me, although I was impressed by the amount of stuff that she got done in just one day. I can't believe it, but I can't remember the sequence of events very well. At some point I talked to Lorae, and also dixy, but those conversations were interrupted because I was hungry and I went to 7-Eleven. I purchased not one but TWO Double Char-Broil Deluxe burgers, I'm saving the other one for another day, because it's hot outside and I don't feel like walking sometimes. Although, I am going to try to walk more. Maybe I'll take my laptop to Suffolk Park, and since there is a small likelihood of there actually being a wireless network around, I'll just sit there and type. Occasionally, I'll be on the swings, and listen to music. I've been able to achieve some pretty righteous states on the swings, listening to Bjork.
Maybe I'll go tomorrow, because I like being happy on my birthday. I think I might also turn off my phone, or not open any e-mails, or something like that. For awhile in my life, I would open myspace messages and sometimes e-mail messages only to find that something nasty or bitter or mean lay inside. It's depressing, but also a bit inspiring that so many people can experience such a deep emotion for little old me.
...it's a different sort of confusing when it comes to loving me. But I can understand both, in a way.
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| Thursday? |
[07 Jun 2007|05:45pm] |
Is it really Thursday already? The days have gone by too quickly. the thing is that I just don't feel like I've sufficiently really really slowed down since graduation. It might also have been that I've been running around like crazy trying to get accessories for my new laptop and getting connected to high speed internet, and then, once I was connected to high speed itnernet, getting a wireless router so that I wouldn't be confined to my mom's bedroom.
MONDAY---Spending the majority of the day at home, took a shower at 530, laptop had arrived by the time I got out. Then the next few hours were spent in setting it up and playing with it.
TUESDAY--Went to the movies with Lorae, yet another near-death experience in her car, then hung out with Myndi in my room, then went out with Eamon to some starbucks and stuff.
WEDNESDAY--Kristoph's with dixy and her godsister Priscilla, then lunch with Eamon, then going to Eamon's jujitsu class with him, then going to the mall, then watching Knocked Up with him (again, I had seen it with Lorae on Tuesday), then we came home and did it.
THURSDAY--Setting up highspeed internet, then going with dixy to get wireless router (on sale at CC, $50,)then eating at dixy's, then coming back here and (with the help of dix) setting up my wireless router. It wasn't difficult to set up, but then we couldn't work it for a bit because the WLAN was turned off on my computer, and I couldn't find the wireless button on it. It's actually quite easy to find, right under this marking that says 'Wireless.'
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| Things That Are Funny: |
[01 Jun 2007|11:29am] |
♠When the Jehova's Witnesses do their rounds in our neighborhood, my house is inexplicably their headquarters. They park all around it, and then congregate on the tree in my front yard. For a long time.
♠Cleaning my room, I just hit my head on the door of my closet really, really hard. It still hurts.
♠ I've been cleaning my desk, and all of the cds jewel boxes in my cd case are... well, not in the case. I wonder where they are.
Non-funny:
♠I don't think my laptop is going to get here today; althought the website says 'Will arrive between Wednesday, May 30, 2007, and Friday, June 01, 2007,' my brother says that they only called him yesterday to confirm the order. But I hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope it gets here today.
♠I went to bed really late last night, around 230, and then woke up at 756 this morning, and was unable to go back to sleep. I was very upset. I am very upset. I hope I'll be able to get a couple of hours of sleep eventually.
♠ Oh man, I am cleaning too widely. Eep.
Bleeeep. I'll write a better entry later, when my keyboard doens't suck.
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